Page 23 - Peace-Centered Family

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There are only two kinds of relationships:
conflict-centered or peace-centered.
Relationships are sick or sane. Healthy or unhealthy. We can feel
the difference because over time they make us happy or unhappy. Even
on a bad day in a healthy relationship, we get something good in
return. But on a bad day in an unhealthy relationship, yet another piece
of us gets torn away and trashed.
When we use feelings as a barometer to measure our comfort
level, it’s simple to distinguish between the two; what is not so simple
is figuring out how and why a relationship gets sick. It’s an old wives’
tale that we are doomed from childhood to repeat our parents’ mis-
takes or to grow up and marry carbon copies of our mothers and
fathers. That’s not to say that history never repeats itself. It does.
It’s tempting to think that your husband’s job, your wife’s affair,
your mother-in-law, money, or your sex life is “the problem.” That’s
where the drama is. The energy. But you can work on the issue, scream
about the issue, pack up and leave the issue, and find you’ve been beat-
ing a dead horse. The relationship remains sick.
Anyone who has gone through a bitter divorce can testify that
signing a piece of paper does not bring about a truce or a cease-fire.
Now that you’ve rid yourself of this person––the one who has brought
the issue, whatever the issue is, crashing into your life––there are still
no guarantees that you’re going to live happily ever after.
That’s the trouble with focusing on issues. It points the finger
away from ourselves and toward someone else. “If only he would stop