Page 21 - Peace-Centered Family

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childhood are often left unhealed. Traumatized children grow up, in spite
of the pain, and often present a brave face to the world when in fact I
believe they continue to suffer from post-traumatic stress syndrome. Not
unlike many soldiers of war.
Why Mapping?
The language we use to describe the effects of dysfunction changes
periodically. We used to talk about symptoms or problems, but now it’s
popular to say, “I have issues.”
The fact of the matter is issues are the
result of conflict-centered
relationships. Not the cause
This is why focusing on an issue is not a
very useful place to put our energy if a family is seeking change. Issues
keep the battle going. They polarize any organization, including the fam-
ily, seeking to resolve problems. The person we blame for the issue [it’s
never our fault, right?] ends up being one and the same as the issue itself.
So we think if we run away from that person or get rid of that person,
we’ll get away from the problem. Not so. It’s never the issues that deter-
mine whether a family is off balance or not. A
ship may get one issue solved and find a dozen more to keep the conflict
going. One issue is as good as another.
If we want change, the name of the game is to restructure the rela-
tionship. This is why we need to know how to map our relationships. It
empowers us to function differently than we ever have before.
The map is also a great equalizer. Whenever an “aha,” an insight,
comes through our own eyes, the moment belongs to us and there is no
messenger, no bearer of bad news to blame because we don’t like the
information. This cuts the incidence of resistance to change way down.
Nobody can be dragged or pushed to higher levels of consciousness. But
when you are confronted with a family map that you yourself have
drawn, new information rises to your conscious mind and automatically
bumps you up the awareness ladder.
Mapping gives you a way to decode the jumble of information you
have had locked in your brain all your life. You are the expert on your
relationships. You know them instinctively. Intuitively. You can walk
around the edges or straight through the middle of a family get-together
blindfolded and know where every mine is planted. Think returning
home for a holiday celebration. You are close enough to see the details,