Page 12 - Peace-Centered Family

Basic HTML Version

model, that we view them as organizations with their own mission state-
ments, goals, and bottom lines. Businesses know if they’re thriving or
not. They go bankrupt if they don’t continually measure their earnings
and profits, their bottom line, and families, on the other hand, just sort
of happen when two people fall in love and move in together. Not much
planning, if any, goes into the relationship; certainly not a mission state-
ment, a goal, or a bottom line. Marriage vows count, of course, and so
do the Ten Commandments or some sort of spiritual principles, but the
nature of families is to evolve. And, like any organization, they have to
continually adapt to both internal and external change in order to pre-
vent dysfunction from sticking.
Since families make up the fabric that holds societies together, the
emotional well-being of every family on the planet is profoundly signifi-
cant for us all. The dilemma is, how do we measure a family that thrives
against a family that goes emotionally bankrupt? How do we determine
what a family’s bottom line is? The answer is by their quality of life.
Organic Change
However much in love we are when we decide to marry or move in
together, stepping into a committed day-to-day relationship is a profound
life change. Most of us aren’t even fully emancipated from our Birth
Families when we begin to set up what we hope will be domestic bliss,
and it doesn’t take long to realize that marriage is for grownups. A new
family, even a family of two, is a new organization, and if this new orga-
nization is to thrive we need to have a plan, build a solid foundation, and
put some simple guidelines in place. Yet how many of us do that?
Most of us quickly discover that one of the greatest challenges in
new relationships has to do with space. Particularly the fact that the
space we are busy carving out with our loved one will get pretty crowded
unless we figure out who does and doesn’t belong in it. Most of us have
a tendency to bring our relatives with us into our new relationships––at
least emotionally. We’re still attached, and yet we soon discover that
they don’t fit comfortably into our new space with our beloved. So, what
do we do with them?
First, we must understand just how much our roles have changed.
4