Page 17 - NewFamilyJune05

Basic HTML Version

with it. When you start you can’t even imagine how rewarding the end will be.
Therapy actually saves families from continuing disabling and painful patterns
that in some cases are generations old.
It isn’t practical, however, even in an ideal world where everyone would
use therapy routinely, to think that all the families that need help will get it.
There are several reasons for this. One, mental health is still a murky area in
many people’s minds. Some people are even afraid to admit they need therapy.
Succumbing to their pain is like saying, “There must be something
with me”; as if the line, once crossed, marks one for life.
Two, going to therapy can feel elitist, foreign: “I can fix myself. I don’t
need to pay someone to tell me something I already know.” To a therapist’s ears
that sounds like, “I can operate on myself. I don’t need to pay a surgeon to cut
the cancer out.”
Three, talking to a therapist can feel as if you’re ratting on the tribe,
betraying your own, a risk many people are too scared to take no matter how
excruciating their emotional pain. They’re afraid they will be seen by their
family as a whistleblower. And we all know what happens to whistleblowers.
Four, there are those people who simply don’t want to change. Call them
stubborn, controlling, frightened, or addicted. Even lazy. Habits die hard,
even when you know they are hurting you and the people you love.
And five, families are complicated. They tend to hide in plain sight,
believe in a single truth for all their members, and live with delusion and denial
as their most trusted companions. But that’s because all families have one thing
in common. They are risk averse. “Keep out. Privacy is sacred. What goes on
behind our front door is nobody’s business and we want to keep it that way.”
Terrified of showing their soft underbelly to the world, families put on a public
face over the private face. Since a family therapist is an “outsider” he represents
the world.
Yet an emotional crisis or a lifestyle that grinds you down to the bone is
just as debilitating as a heart attack. Just as dangerous to your health and
longevity. Just as expensive in terms of loss of productivity and time. So let’s
think realistically for a moment.
The global “civilization crunch” is squeezing us from all sides and time is
speeding up. The future is here. The problem is many families can’t catch up
fast enough. We’re already living in a new family without the means to make it
work and you can’t just stick a new function on top of an old model and start
over. You need the basics under your belt to start the ball rolling.
Information has little value unless you “connect the dots” and it’s certainly
not worth writing a book unless I can offer information that revolutionizes
concepts–information that can change your life.
I have stumbled upon an interactive tool that allows you to map your
family, your relationships, at any point in time. It gives you a way to decode
the jumble of information you have had locked in your brain all your life.