Page 27 - Stars Behind the Tortured Soul

Basic HTML Version

Miriam Slozberg 11
care of herself because she did not believe she was worth
it—a major target for bullying. And I was.
Because my self-esteem was so low, and because I
strongly believed that I never deserved anything good in life,
I never found any real joy in anything. The only one who was
able to lift my spirits was my daughter, Jessica. After I had my
son, Jeremy, and learned that he was autistic, I could not ac-
cept it. It wasn’t that I didn’t accept my son. I felt even worse
for possibly passing on a defective gene to my child, or so I
thought. I figured that because of me, my son would suffer.
And this was all due to the fact that since I was so conditioned
to believe I was defective (in my last life as well as in my cur-
rent one), for a long time I could not believe that I was wor-
thy of anything. My biggest challenge in this life is to find it
within me to believe I am worthy of happiness.
I also felt a deep and cold disconnection from my East-
ern European Jewish heritage. For a long time, I was afraid to
tell anyone that I was Jewish. My paternal grandfather was a
Holocaust survivor and struggled during his life because of it.
My paternal grandmother continues to struggle with the fact
that she is a Holocaust survivor. I could never bear to hear
their stories. I felt almost as if I had lived through it myself.
I constantly avoided films having to do with World War II. I
could not face any of it. I felt even more tortured while watch-
ing those films or hearing my grandparents’ stories about
their lives in the camps.
However, there came a point in my life when the self-pity
had to end, and I realized that my suffering had a purpose.
I went on a spiritual quest. Delving into the occult and get-
ting answers is what I believe saved me from possible suicide.
During my quest, I studied astrology and became certified. I