Page 26 - Stars Behind the Tortured Soul

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10 Stars Behind the Tortured Soul
lieve I was subhuman and that I could never measure up to
society’s standards. The difference between now and then is
that it made my life more miserable then. Now, I can accept
what happened and know that being accepted (according to
society’s standards) is not always a good thing. Society needs
a few of us who stick out like a sore thumb. We are the ones
who bring about awareness.
Because of the non-acceptance, I fell into food addiction,
and food addiction took over my life for decades. Food was
my only friend and comfort. However, there was much more
reason why I ate. It wasn’t just because I was filling an obvi-
ous void in my life. My extreme need for food went beyond
feeling lonely and unworthy. I was terrified of starvation and
deprivation. Another big challenge I have faced in my life is
emetophobia, the phobia of vomit. When I was pregnant with
my daughter, I found a “support group” for people who have
emetophobia. Unfortunately, even the members of this so-
called support group treated me as if I were subhuman and
further damaged my already nearly non-existent self-esteem. I
viewedmyself as an unworthy freak who was terrified of vomit,
yet at the same time, I had a serious addiction to food. The two
didn’t seem to go hand in hand, and I felt extremely cursed that
I had to deal with two completely unrelated challenges.Weight
was another challenge for me. I was always overweight, and it
was not only because of my addiction to food.
I have a condition called polycystic ovarian syndrome
(PCOS), which can create hormone imbalances. I had trouble
getting pregnant with my daughter, but it finally did happen.
Other side effects from PCOS are acne, thinning of hair, and
mood swings—all of which I had. So, imagine an overweight
teenager with poor social skills and acne who did not take