Page 19 - Foresthill

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Chapter Two
Dumb Bunnies
Hi kids. It’s been a while so I thought I’d check in with yet another de-
mented bedtime story, taken straight from court and delivered to you. I
can never resist an animal related fact pattern. This one’s for all the hunt-
ers and weapons enthusiasts in the room.
George owns a ranch on a large rural property, and keeps a number of
very expensive horses and cattle. He uses the critters as an excuse to take
a humongous tax write off, declaring himself a breeder of both bovine
and equine exotica. George became aware that jackrabbits had gotten
out of control on his property when not one but two of his animals were
injured after stepping into rabbit holes, one horse badly enough it had to
be put down. George became determined to exterminate the fuzzy tailed
little rat-cousins. That’s why George asked his old friend Bob over for a
little shootin’ contest.
George is a man who likes his comforts. He always outfits his guests
with top of the line shootin’ hardware; and has a penchant for Orvis
shooting vests that look more appropriate when politely hunting par-
tridges or pheasants at a private club.
Bob is a good enough sort of guy. He’s known George for years. The
difference between George and Bob is that while George is concerned
about things like tax write-offs, everything Bob ever touched has turned
into warm runny poo. George has the Midas touch; while Bob has the
touch of the Roto-Rooter man or an unhygienic proctologist.
George greeted Bob with the customary 5th of bourbon. Kids, noth-
ing says “Real American” as much as alcohol and firearms. George and
Bob are nothing if not patriotic. After knocking a few back, they decided
to make it interesting. They’d hunt rabbits with handguns, and shots had
to be made after drawing from the holster.