Page 16 - Foresthill

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Foresthill: A Public Defender’s Bedtime Reader
The trip was uneventful, and as they passed through the Sierra Ne-
vada Mountains they stopped for gas at a rural redneck mountain truck
stop. The pimp hopped out to pump the gas, first reaching into the glove
box for a large screwdriver. Sue noticed that the pimp used the screw-
driver to force a locking gas cap off. Sue asked him if he lost the key.
The pimp didn’t answer. Sue asked again, and was again met with si-
lence. The pimp just pumped the gas. Sue asked the pimp whether there
was anything wrong about the car. Silence. At this point Sue simply
lost it. Sue began to shrilly scream at the pimp “It’s stolen, isn’t it! You
goddamnsonofabitchstolethiscarandyouaregoingtogetmethrowninjailare
n’tyouyoumotherfuckinggigilodickhead?”
The nearby service station attendant heard the wail of a damsel in
distress, and sped to Sue’s aid. “Is this fellow troubling you mam?”
“Troubling me? Why I’m goingtowringhisfuckingneckafterIriphis-
balls offandfeedthemtohimthesorrysonofafuckingbitch!” The service
attendant, with his 19 years of redneck wisdom, took this as a “yes”,
grabbed a baseball bat, and took a few steps towards the pimp. The un-
wisely unarmed pimp wisely opted for flight rather than fight, beat his
Guccis towards the nearby highway on ramp; and just kept running until
he was out of sight.
Chuffed with himself, the attendant solicitously asked the damsel if
she was going to be OK. Sue graciously thanked him for his gallant act,
and the attendant returned to his assigned duties. Boys and girls, chiv-
alry is not dead.
Sue reflected briefly, and suddenly realized that she was in serious
trouble. Sue was a good size transvestite in a dress and heels, in a sto-
len pink caddy, at a redneck truck stop in a redneck county. Not good.
Not good at all. She then discovered that her situation was desperate.
The pimp had earlier helped himself to what little cash Sue carried in
her Armani clutch purse, and Sue was destitute. She explained to the
attendant that the money ran off with the man who was going to as-
sault her, and if he could see his way clear to forgive the debt she’d be
most pleased to make it up to him (if he knew what Sue meant, wink,
wink). Blushing deeply, the attendant thanked Sue for his kindness, but
explained that he remained true to his high school sweetheart (who he
was to wed in the coming week). Once again demonstrating that chivalry
is not dead, the attendant forgave the damsel’s debt as an act of outright
charity. Sue thanked him graciously, and then she pondered her position.
Understanding that she could be in big trouble if she was caught driv-